On a dark night in early August, four amateur doughnut enthusiasts gathered around a kitchen table in suburban Ottawa. Their mission was to open three cardboard chests of doughy treasure procured from local establishment SuzyQ Doughnuts, and attempt to appraise their contents. This is their story.
This, is a doughnut review.
Let the first challenger enter.
GLAZED AND CONFUSED, “This is the classic doughnut, done to perfection.”
HOLE LOTTA LOVE, “The first love. The stars in a child’s eye. The ground beneath your toes as you finally get to shore. This doughnut.”
DOUGHNUT HOLES NOT 5-0s, “Good mouth feel; satisfying, but nothing special.”
CRÜLLER RÜLLER, “So soft, slightly fragrant, good fluff and chew balance.”
GLAZED AND CONFUSED, “I wanted to like this one more, but didn’t get any Earl Gray or bergamot tones. Even a hint of lavender would have made this one better. Couldn’t taste the tea.”
HOLE LOTTA LOVE, “Meh. Didn’t taste like any fog I’ve ever tasted.”
DOUGHNUT HOLES NOT 5-0s, “No tea flavour, tastes like yoghurt.”
CRÜLLER RÜLLER, “Pleasantly sweet and creamy.”
GLAZED AND CONFUSED, “Again, I wanted to love this one, but it didn’t really taste like matcha. They could have redeemed it if they sprinkled matcha over it.”
HOLE LOTTA LOVE, “Subtlety. Complex simplicity.”
DOUGHNUT HOLES NOT 5-0s, “Honey taste, don’t taste tea.”
CRÜLLER RÜLLER, “Honey sweet with more traditional donut cake flavour.”
GLAZED AND CONFUSED, “Loved the mango taste! The little sprinkle of tangy passionfruit sugar on the side was great; could have used more of it.”
HOLE LOTTA LOVE, “*gibberish* (I accidentally hit the dictation button on my iPhone).”
DOUGHNUT HOLES NOT 5-0s, “Very subtle spice, but meh.”
CRÜLLER RÜLLER, “Mango tang is noticeable and light flavour with delicate sweetness.”
GLAZED AND CONFUSED, “A very enjoyable doughnut. Loved the slight sour-ness.”
HOLE LOTTA LOVE, “Am I eating a halls right now? Why don’t I need to cough anymore? As a pseudo-medicine: great. As a doughnut, meh.”
DOUGHNUT HOLES NOT 5-0s, “Great for a fruity donut, very tangy.”
CRÜLLER RÜLLER, “True raspberry lemon with right tart and sweet balance. Lemon is more evident than raspberry.”
GLAZED AND CONFUSED, “Excellent! Loved the real, toasted coconut shavings on the outside. Not the cheap, sugary coconut sprinkle stuff. Not too sugary. Recommendation would be a bit more lime.”
HOLE LOTTA LOVE, “Let’s talk texture! Crunchy and chewy. 2015 is truly the year of the coconut.”
DOUGHNUT HOLES NOT 5-0s, “Coconut is nice and crisp, but flavour is meh.”
CRÜLLER RÜLLER, “Tender crispness in coconut shavings. Light sweetness with evident coconut flavour. Lime flavour is under pronounced.”
Blue Vanilla Fruit Loop
GLAZED AND CONFUSED, “Blech. Stale Fruit Loops. Had the same problem with Voodoo Doughnuts in Portland.”
HOLE LOTTA LOVE, “Toucan Sam, go follow your nose to a better doughnut.”
DOUGHNUT HOLES NOT 5-0s, “Toasty taste on fruit loop is nice, but flavour is meh. Just sweet.”
CRÜLLER RÜLLER, “Icy too sweet and fruit loop is stale. Not a distinct flavour.”
GLAZED AND CONFUSED, “The filling in the hole tasted like your grandmother’s peach cobbler! Just sweet peaches, not too much added sugar. Loved it.
HOLE LOTTA LOVE, “If Sugar Munkki is the grandfather of all doughnuts, this one is the favourite grand child that inherits the boat.”
DOUGHNUT HOLES NOT 5-0s, “The crumble is great, glaze and donut if fairly standard.”
CRÜLLER RÜLLER, “It tastes like peach! Excellent sweet and tangy balance with the right amount of peach fragrance and flavour for a doughnut. Beauty!”
GLAZED AND CONFUSED, “Eatability was hard. This doughnut was a sticky mess. Wished the caramel was a bit thicker.”
HOLE LOTTA LOVE, “The caramel was good, but why only on top? 360˚ caramel is a must.”
DOUGHNUT HOLES NOT 5-0s, “Caramel was great, salt was a bit overwhelming.”
CRÜLLER RÜLLER, “It is. Light later of caramel not to be likened to Caramilk caramel which is much sweeter and richer. Noticeable saltiness.”
GLAZED AND CONFUSED, “Om nom nom. This beats out Voodoo Doughnuts’ Maple Bacon. The smokey-ness of the bacon and quality of the maple icing was much higher. Well done Canada.”
HOLE LOTTA LOVE, *heavy breathing*
DOUGHNUT HOLES NOT 5-0s, “Smokey smell, subtle saltiness, not over-sweet, an elegant and respectful homage to Sunday brunch.”
CRÜLLER RÜLLER, “Smokey, sweet, soft and chewing. Just a little salty. Delicious! Scrumptious.”
Cookies and Cream
GLAZED AND CONFUSED, Yummy! Proving once again that Oreos are a better condiment than cookie.
HOLE LOTTA LOVE, “I didn’t expect this… This is the cookie, as a child, I begged my mom for.”
DOUGHNUT HOLES NOT 5-0s, “Love the bitter dark chocolate crumble in the middle.”
CRÜLLER RÜLLER, “Sweet and creamy. Has true cookie scent and flavour. Moist and chewy doughnut.”
GLAZED AND CONFUSED, “It was good, but I’d rather just eat a s’more.”
HOLE LOTTA LOVE, “An off-road flavour adventure.”
DOUGHNUT HOLES NOT 5-0s, “Candied graham cracker is fantastic, but rest is kind of dry.”
CRÜLLER RÜLLER, “Candied graham cracker crumbles had cinnamon toast crunch taste which saved the donut because it at first tasted stale. Unusual flavour.”
GLAZED AND CONFUSED, “AWESOME! Loved the peanut butter rice crispy-ness. Would eat again.”
HOLE LOTTA LOVE, “NEW FAVOURITE. Sorry Munkki. This doughnut passed the bonus question. Perfect texture. Peanut butter flavour. The penultimate doughnut on our journey was in fact the ultimate.”
DOUGHNUT HOLES NOT 5-0s, “Wünderful! Crunchy, toasty taste with nice hint of peanut butter. It’s a rice crispy peanut butter square.”
CRÜLLER RÜLLER, “Smooth peanut butter with crisp rice crispy (?) and smooth milk chocolate icy that was still fresh and soft hours later. sugar crystals.”
GLAZED AND CONFUSED, “Was kind of disappointed. I would have liked to see the doughnut itself be chocolate, and the icing/chocolate was more sweet than dark bitter. Meh.”
HOLE LOTTA LOVE, “Dark chocolate? I thought it was milk chocolate… But I was wrong. Right?”
DOUGHNUT HOLES NOT 5-0s, “I like the bitterness of the chocolate, not as chocolatey as expected though.”
CRÜLLER RÜLLER, “Nice. Slightly butter dark chocolate. Cookie crumb is good. Cake is soft and moist and vanilla. A good chocolate donut but no fanfare.”
|Glazed and Confused||Hole Lotta Love||Doughnut Holes Not 5-0s||Krüller Rüller|
|1. Coconut Lime||1. Wündercrunch||1. Maple Bacon||1. Maple Bacon|
|2. Maple Bacon||2. Sugar Munkki||2. Wündercrunch||2. Wündercrunch|
|3. Peach Blossom||3. Coconut Lime||3. Cookies and Cream||3. Peach Blossom|
|4. Wündercrunch||4. Peach Blossom||4. Dirty Chocolate||4. Mango Lassi|
|5. Sugar Munkki||5. Maple Bacon||5. Peach Blossom||5. Cookies and Cream|
Best Overall Doughnut
We totaled our rankings to present you with the best possible doughnut to try upon your visit to SuzyQ’s.
In a surprising come-from-behind win, Wündercrunch came in first, beating the much-talked-about anticipated victor, Maple Bacon, by one point.
Peach Blossom came in a respectable third place.
The loser of this review by consensus was the Blue Vanilla Fruit Loop. A gimmick at best, the over-sugared attack on your mouth leaves you wondering why you’d ever want stale Fruit Loops in the first place.
As a side note, I observed the same problems with the Fruit Loop Doughnut at Voodoo Doughnuts in Portland, OR. I get it, it seems like it would make a great doughnut, but I haven’t seen it done well yet.
Of course, all these opinions come from a pretty homogenous group with a sample size of four. Please feel free to tell us we’re wrong in the comments below. Defend your favourite ring-shaped fried dough!
Intriguingly, a 1994 CBC article claims that Canadians consume the most doughnuts and have the most doughnut stores per capita. I couldn’t find any more recent data, but if the recent popularity of the Cronut in Toronto is any indication, I think we can trust that not much has changed in the last 20 years.
If you’re craving more doughnut reading, a 2008 book published by University of Toronto historian Steve Penfold titled, “The Donut: A Canadian History” might fill that hole.